Through
the years the Web has unleashed a seemingly endless spew
of heretofore untapped stupidity in humankind. We have discovered,
as a happy side effect, that humankind also possesses previously
unrecognized reservoirs of laziness and an untamed goof-off
spirit that has cost the world’s employers (at least those
dumb enough to allow Net access into their workplaces) countless
billions of dollars in lost productivity.
So
I decided to try and pull together a “greatest hits” list
that would honor recognize some of the greatest
most ridiculous moments in Web history. My criteria are
“fluid,” at best, and this list is in no way scientific.
Mainly, I just asked a bunch of people for suggestions and
then ranked them according to what I like to call “enlightened
whim.” In general, though, these sites are about silliness
and people with wayyyy too much time on their hands.
Some have unintended educational value, I suppose, and others
are less about whimsy than out-and-out, near-pathological,
knee-buckling weirdness.
Enjoy.
1.
Hampster Dance
Arguably
the first of the Web’s great “WTF?” memes. Hampton and his
hoofin’ buddies ground a lot of offices to an absolute standstill,
and it spread around the Web like nothing any of us had
ever seen before. Crashed the host server and spawned spin-offs
left and right. Wonderful stuff....
2.
Pingvin
A
yeti with a club lays a Barry Bonds on a masochistic penguin.
I’d give anything to know exactly how much corporate productivity
was lost to this one game alone.
3.
All Your Base Are Belong to Us
What
you say? This artifact of bad English to Japanese to English
video game translation (at least that’s what I think this
was about) changed the way we talked around the office for
the better part of two weeks.
4.
Star Wars Kid
The
ultimate display of passionate nerdiness in Net history.
How could this kid, the embodiment of Star Wars maladjustment,
have possibly known what he was setting himself up for?
But as hard as you laugh, there’s also something really
endearing about the purity of whatever the hell it is he
thinks he’s doing. Hopefully they got him into a witness
protection program or something.
5.
weebls-stuff.com
Not
a single moment, but a producer of moments. Badgers was
the breakout toon, and the Badgers LotR spoof couldn’t have
been more timely. And can somebody explain Kenya to me?
6.
RatherGood.com
Viking
Kittens, Punk Rock Chinchillas, Naughty Hedgehogs, etc.,
all of which spawned a mainstream payday for the guys, as
they were invited to produce a Quizno’s commercial (which
remains one of the strangest things ever to air on network
TV).
7.
We Love the Iraqi Information Minister
Maybe
I’m biased, because I actually contributed to this one.
Another one of those “spread like wildfire” and “crashed
the servers” things - it made a legit global celebrity of
the ultimate PR mouthpiece, a man who could say anything
with a straight face.
8.
Jennicam (formerly at jennicam.org)
Jennifer
Ringley, the fleshy, middling attractive undergrad exhibitionist
showed the world the power of the webcam. She showed the
world a lot of other things, too.
9.
Dancing Baby
Ally
McBeal made this one famous, and it has to date spawned
hundreds of spin-offs, movies, applications, etc. I don’t
get it. Never did. Of course, that’s part of its greatness,
huh?
10.
Mullets Galore
Business
in front, party in the back. The 25/75. Hockey Hair. The
Canadian Passport. And so on. The most amazing mullet I
ever saw was a guy in Denver - a "little person," I believe
is the proper term - whose immaculately groomed and waxed
2½-foot mullet nearly dragged the ground. Wish I had a picture
of him to send in.
11.
My Trailer Park Page
In
recent years the word “wrong” has come to mean something
that’s disturbing, distressing, or appalling. Often it’s
wrong because it’s true, and it usually refers to something
we know we shouldn’t laugh at but can’t help ourselves.
I believe this Web site is where this sense of the word
first came into being. Put simply, it is one of the wrongest
things on the Web.
12.
Homestarrunner.com
I
still haven’t gotten my head around this toon-n-games site
yet, but the techies seem to love it. For sheer loss of
productivity, fikshun says nothing at his place of work
(which I won’t name, but you’d know them if I told you)
touches it.
13.
Mahir Cagri, The "I Kiss You" Guy
Enthusiastic
Turkish loser who just loves too much. Is that about right?
14.Weeeeee!
(Gonads and Strife)
Ummm.
Yeah. I don’t even begin to know how to explain this one.
But for that “knee-buckling” thing I mention in the intro
you can’t beat it. Beat it? Hell, I’d be afraid to
get close enough to take a swing.....
15.
Ellen Feiss Apple Commercial
This
slightly spacy teen who lost her paper to a carnivorous
PC captured the hearts of Mac geeks everywhere. The ad allegedly
ran on actual television, although I never saw it.
Honorable
(?) Mention, in no particular order
Great
Mobile Homes of Mississippi
I
was never entirely sure if this was humor or anthropology.
Gerbil
in a Microwave and Frog
in a Blender
Do you have what it takes to give these smack-talkers what
they deserve? The interactive toons that put Joe Cartoon
on the map.
Jib
Jab: This Land Will Surely Vote for Me
Election
fun for the whole family.
Pixyland.org
See
“wrong” above. This was just disturbing.
Bush
or Chimp
Offered
without comment.
Dubya,
the Movie
This,
I swear, John Kerry should have used as a campaign ad. They
splice together scenes from Don Knotts movies in a way that
entertains as much as it informs.
The
Terrible Secret of Space
From
the same people who brought us All Your Base, I think, and
every bit as “non-linear.”
Subservient
Chicken
Interactive
site that lets you order a guy in a chicken suit around.
Disturbing? Uh-huh - supersized.
33
Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Post Your Picture on the Internet
Just
gets funnier and funnier as you scroll down....
Alek's
Christmas Lights Webcam Hoax
People
logging in from all over the planet thinking they were turning
the guy’s Christmas lights on and off, major news coverage,
helicopters overhead - now that’s a hoax!
The
Hall of Douchebags
This
is the crowd that introduced us the term “brick-wall band.”
The running captions are fall-out-of-the-chair funny.
Top
10 Most Ridiculous Black Metal Pics of All Time
If ever a genre of musicians was begging for a send-up,
this is it.
eNormicom
How
to develop a brand for your dot-com start-up - I think a
few companies thought this was a legit how-to site.
Fat
Guy Dance
Thank
the gods it’s a toon.
Walk
the Drunk
A
recent entry in the “time-wasting games” category.
Web
Economy Bullshit Generator
One
that was a little too close to reality for comfort.
Feline
Reactions to Bearded Men
Fake
scientists with too much time on their hands.
Strawberry
Pop-Tart Blowtorches
There
has to be an easier way.
Tombstone
Generator
I
already have mine picked out.
Get
Your War On
Sarcastic political humor.
The
Postmodernism Generator
For
those of us who have actually read lots of postmodernist
scholarship, this was more painful than funny. For the rest
of you it will mostly be incomprehensible jibberish. Actually,
that’s what it was for me, now that I think about it. The
paid resulted from the fact that I was required to know
it for the test.
K’Pinky
& the Brain
Pinky
& the Brain, Klingon-style.
Special
thanks to:
